


a different veiw

by Nonbinari_Goat (orphan_account)



Category: Self Aware (Webcomic)
Genre: Demiboy Elliot Rainor, Gen, Self-Indulgent, feelings on gender from the perspective of someone who changes xiers every monthish, kinda a vent fic but not really?, thats what they call themself but its like. complicated—, uh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:47:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26187430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Nonbinari_Goat
Summary: Ell feels weird about their body.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	a different veiw

**Author's Note:**

> um. hi. this me projecting really hard. mostly cause i wanna reread it later w/o opening docs. enjoy.
> 
> (lowkey mention of my moms lovely fic [Friendship](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26015461)🧡🧡🧡)

They stare in the mirror and see a face that belongs to a boy.

They see a figure that is said to belong in dresses and stockings and skirts but then they’ll look at the face and see a boy who belongs on stage, a boy who has given his life to someone who’s losing use of him, a boy who may soon lay without worth to anyone but his parents.

They aren’t him, nor are they she, but;

They’re one in the same. They are him and her as he is she and them and she is them and him and that's ok. That's alright. It’s confusing, but it’s alright.

They don’t want to look like her, they don’t  _ want _ to look like him, they want to look new. Different. To distance themself away from the two and be their own them.

They liked roses, loved yellow ones that implied only the most platonic feelings while he hated them and she was neutral. They adored yellow and wore it whenever they could when the two’s best friend wasn’t there, they loved lemon tarts and golden cream filled macaroons and the softest of yellow sweets.

They were just a phase. A face they could turn to in the comforts of their room, where expectations lay none and there wouldn’t be anyone to cradle or push through with, because they were the small, hidden part no one saw. They were locked away until they were alone, and then they bloomed like small flowers in the arctic. Their hair was different from his and hers — they’d agreed that the style they chose was their brand now, but the urge to grow it out like when they were younger was strong.

They loved Mell, like they loved Aspen, but love came and was shown in so many ways in the smallest of details, from remembering their favorite snacks to head pats to things in their beloved colors and more, love languages told many takes and so many were capable of churning even the hardest of hearts.

Gender is a concept, they know that, and they dislike it. Society can shove their labels up its ass. 

...

They did like one term, though.

It had no connotations to her. nothing connected them to her with it.

it was beautiful.

They were Elliot Rainor, preferably just going by Ellie or Ell, and they were a demiboy with horrible identity issues.

And that was ok.

**Author's Note:**

> to! clear stuff up!! Elliot is AFAB and he describes his body like how i do mines ^^ hope thats ok bchsd
> 
> (its a small hc of mines, haha <<; )


End file.
